Sinking

And yet more of Emily's words from her book that I needed.

There is a difference between embracing your smallness in the presence of Christ and feeling like a nobody in the presence of others.

You don't have what it takes.
And neither do I. The upside-down mystery of God is that you can still be a miracle gift even when you have no idea where your giftedness comes from, even when all you can bear to do is know you are loved and live like it's true. You are art and you make art, but you are not your art. You are God's art. As you continue to embrace the Spirit of Christ in you, as you continue to bend your ear toward the deep desire of your heart, trust that God is intuitive enough to move in and through you no matter your fear and insecurity.

There is a time to sink into the depths, to see the hopelessness of my life without God. Sink, fail and know God, because the invisible world of heaven doesn't play by our rules. And so as Peter, I have to first know the depths of my own ugliness before I will be willing to stay my gaze on Christ. If I think, even for a moment, that I can handle these waves on my own, I will drop down heavy into the darkness of the water.
Believe in myself and I sink into the waves of worry, procrastination, daily tasks, and diagnoses. There is no dry ground in sight.
But sink hard into God and he will buoy the soul on top of the water.
Stepping out of the boat and walking toward Jesus, I realize how looking deep into the eyes of God is art all by itself. Dying is our invitation to live.
Down is the only way up.

 

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.

But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”

(Matt. 14:29-31)

Sink into the depths of God, knowing he created the world and re-creates you. And from that re-creation of you comes co-creation with Christ. You cannot do anything on your own.

Lord, there is a difference between embracing my smallness in the Your presence and feeling like a nobody in the presence of others. May I see the hopelessness of my life without You. Father, help me embrace the Spirit of Christ in me, as I continue to bend my ear toward the deep desire of my heart, trust that You are intuitive enough to move in and through me no matter my fear and insecurity. May I keep my gaze on Christ, not believing myself, but sinking hard into God.

I look hard at the place where I stand and realize it isn't the kind of certainty I expected. I'm looking for dry ground, but God gives me water and tells me to sink. But this is not a sinking into worry and self-help. This is a sacred sinking into knowing he is God.

Keep CZECHING IN!