Sinking

And yet more of Emily's words from her book that I needed.

There is a difference between embracing your smallness in the presence of Christ and feeling like a nobody in the presence of others.

You don't have what it takes.
And neither do I. The upside-down mystery of God is that you can still be a miracle gift even when you have no idea where your giftedness comes from, even when all you can bear to do is know you are loved and live like it's true. You are art and you make art, but you are not your art. You are God's art. As you continue to embrace the Spirit of Christ in you, as you continue to bend your ear toward the deep desire of your heart, trust that God is intuitive enough to move in and through you no matter your fear and insecurity.

There is a time to sink into the depths, to see the hopelessness of my life without God. Sink, fail and know God, because the invisible world of heaven doesn't play by our rules. And so as Peter, I have to first know the depths of my own ugliness before I will be willing to stay my gaze on Christ. If I think, even for a moment, that I can handle these waves on my own, I will drop down heavy into the darkness of the water.
Believe in myself and I sink into the waves of worry, procrastination, daily tasks, and diagnoses. There is no dry ground in sight.
But sink hard into God and he will buoy the soul on top of the water.
Stepping out of the boat and walking toward Jesus, I realize how looking deep into the eyes of God is art all by itself. Dying is our invitation to live.
Down is the only way up.

 

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.

But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”

(Matt. 14:29-31)

Sink into the depths of God, knowing he created the world and re-creates you. And from that re-creation of you comes co-creation with Christ. You cannot do anything on your own.

Lord, there is a difference between embracing my smallness in the Your presence and feeling like a nobody in the presence of others. May I see the hopelessness of my life without You. Father, help me embrace the Spirit of Christ in me, as I continue to bend my ear toward the deep desire of my heart, trust that You are intuitive enough to move in and through me no matter my fear and insecurity. May I keep my gaze on Christ, not believing myself, but sinking hard into God.

I look hard at the place where I stand and realize it isn't the kind of certainty I expected. I'm looking for dry ground, but God gives me water and tells me to sink. But this is not a sinking into worry and self-help. This is a sacred sinking into knowing he is God.

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Seeing

Very interesting chapter for me in Emily's book was about criticism. Seeing the real reason critique hurts and the gift only a critic can bring. As I agree that criticism is key in a life of an artist and experienced first hand how the voice of the inner critic can allow the art to die.

Criticism is key in the artist's life. How we handle our critics could be the difference between creating art that matters and allowing the art to die.

We are only offended because we forget we have died.
If there's one thing certain to change your life, it's death.
"For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God."
(Col. 3:3)
We live false lives when we hold on to the old life and refuse to acknowledge our death. If we grasp the threads of our comfortable lives, second things--like praise from critics--become first things.

The critical voice is teaching me my humanity, and that is not a bad thing.
There, in the clenched hand of the critic is a gift he may not realize he's giving you, one you don't recognize at first. But there it is, gift of your own smallness, your own Yes, I am a mess. Yes, I want your approval and agreement. Yes, I want to be loved and admired. Yes, I want to be right. The critic's words point out my insecurities--but in seeing those, he shows me myself.

When I finally see myself, I can be laid open before God. In the opening, I see the root of this desire for approval is less about the critic and more about me. I showed up on the scene of the world crying and clenching and needing salvation. So did you. So did your critic. But it isn't the critic's fault I am desperate for worth and security and approval and permission.
This is the shape I was born into, the curve of my flesh, the crookedness of my own heart, the twisted desire to be enough on my own and by myself.

Christ stretched out arms on the cross, wide open to the words and attacks of the critic, wide open to my sin-desire to be my own little god, wide open to receive the insults and the insulted, the sin of the offense and the sin of my defensiveness.
He was stretched out so I could be free.
Crooked is no longer my shape.
And so if I have died with Christ and been raised to life in him, how can I die again at the hands of the critic? What have I to fear if death is no longer a risk?

Fear drives out the love. When you work from fear, there is no love in your work. And we don't want your loveless art.
So give the world and yourself a gift, and stop.
You are the beloved. So take some time to be the loved.
The fact that you need time to be the loved means you are human. And we want art that comes from human hands inspired by a capable God. Otherwise you will make mediocre art at best.
If mediocre art is your goal, here are fourteen ways to achieve it:

• Make love to fear
• Apologize a lot
• Try to measure your impact
• Wait to feel qualified
• Compare yourself
• Fear the success of others
• Stay comfortable
• Have imaginary conversation with your critics
• Hold on to regret
• Keep impossible standards for perfection
• Demand appreciation
• Be easily offended
• Think there is only one right way to do it
• And by all means, don't take a risk

How we respond when confronted with the critics has the potential to be the most beautiful art we'll ever make--we have the capacity to reflect the relational glory of God no matter who we're with, what we're doing, or what's gone wrong. This is when art is a verb rather than a noun. It isn't something you point to, it's a way you live.

Jesus, may I always be an image bearer with a job to do. And not become a job doer with an image to maintain. Help me see myself, no longer crooked, but reflecting the glory of God no matter who I am with, what I am doing, or what's going wrong. May that be my way of life.

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In the image

 "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth."

~Genesis 1:1

 

Here is more of Emily's words and what I am taking away.

 

The first thing we know about God is he made art.

What is the first thing we know about people?

We were made in the image of God.

We have a job to do.

 

"So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them.

And God blessed them. And God said to them,

“Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it,

and have dominion over the fish of the sea

and over the birds of the heavens

and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”"

~Genesis 1:27,28

 

The first thing we know...how profound, going back to the beginning. But the realization really helped me. 

 

 

 

Being an image bearer is about reflecting God as human, not about becoming a god myself.

 

I realized that I cannot trade my identity as Adam and Eve because it messes up my work. The enemy challenged their identity. Bearing God's image no longer seemed to be enough. They didn't just want to reflect glory, they wanted to have glory of their own.

 

Christ came to reestablish our identity, showing us what it means to be fully alive as a human--how to live on earth as we were intended to live--a life of complete dependence on the Father.

 

I was reminded that--Not having what it takes is not a liability, it's a prerequisite.

We are made in the image of God and are being remade inside the person of Jesus Christ. He holds all things together even when it looks like they're falling apart. His grace fills in my lack.

 

You were made to make art.

You were also made to live art.

Art means believing that the God who created the world with words alone creates with words still, through us--whether it be on a stage to thousands or in a corner with one.

Art is what happens when you dare to be who you really are.

 

 

"“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,

and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us)."

~Matthew 1:23

 

Like Emily, I don't believe there is one great thing I was made to do in this world. I believe there is one great God I was made to glorify. And there will be many ways, even a million little ways, I will declare his glory with my life.

Bearing the image of God, being who He made me, being fully alive instead of feeling like I am "dying on the vine" is what this book is giving me the courage to do. I am learning to be fully alive in the present.
  

Jesus, thank You for living inside me, may I partner with You, may God be glorified through the life You are living on the inside of me and may it be manifested in "a million little ways".

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A million little ways

A million little ways is a title of a new book I read by Emily Freeman.

 

"I have been crucified with Christ.

It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Sonof God,

who loved me and gave himself for me."

~Galatians 2:20

 

Emily reminded me that: "God does not manage us, to-do list us, or bullet-point us. He loves us. Is with us. And believing him feels impossible, until we do, like a miracle, like lukewarm water turning merlot red right there in the cup. And hope sprouts new, because God doesn't give us a list. He invites us into the story.

God is not a technician. God is an Artist.

This is the God who made you. The same God who lives inside you.
He comes into us, then comes out of us, in a million little ways.
That's why there's freedom, even in the blah.
Hope, even in the dark.
Love, even in the fear.
Trust, even as we face our critics.
And believing in the midst of all that? It feels like strength and depth and wildflower spinning; it feels risky and brave and underdog winning.
It feels like redemption.
It feels like art."

"Creating a life of meaning is not about finding that one great thing you were made to do, it's about knowing the one great God you were made to glorify - in a million little ways."

I have always wanted to be an artist and now I know that I am. I am eternally grateful to Emily for helping me see that.

I also thank my dearest friend for thinking of me as she read Emily's post on the word "Just" and for sending it to me because she knows how I feel about that word. Hence introducing me to this book.

Not only to Emily for being able to silence the inner critic and living her art through the pages of this book; not only to Shawna for caring and sharing; but most of all, the biggest credit goes to God for arranging time and places for all this. For making me ready to read and receive it, for all I am going through and how He knew that I am the "one" person that needed to read it just now.

Thank you Lord!

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Challenge

Even though I know that everything will be alright, because I trust God with my future and my life. Even though I know that I can and will overcome all that He allowed, all I am facing. Even though I know that He is with me, to help me. Even though I am thankful and praising God, able to lift up my hands "in this storm", everyday seems to be a challenge to live in the present, not wishing things to be different, hoping that things can change.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life."

~Proverbs 13:12

 

That's how mine feels.

Lord, please help my heart. As Your Word says in Psalms, may it be true for me too.

 

"O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me."

~Psalm 30:2

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Praise You in this storm

 

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

~Casting Crowns

 

I was sure by now God You would have reached down, stepped in and saved the day...

 

You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I cry You hold in Your hand, You never leave my side and though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm.

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

 

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;

blessed be the name of the Lord."

~Job 1:21b

 

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Help

Where does my help come from?

"My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." ~Psalm 121:2

That's why I am turning to You. I cry to You, Lord.

 

"In my distress I called upon the Lord;

to my God I cried for help.

From his temple he heard my voice,

and my cry to him reached his ears."

~Psalm 18:6

 

"But you, O Lord, do not be far off!

O you my help, come quickly to my aid!"

~Psalm 22:19

 

"Our soul waits for the Lord;

he is our help and our shield."

~Psalm 33:20

 

"Rise up; come to our help!

Redeem us for the sake of your steadfast love!

~Psalm 44:26

 

"God is our refuge and strength,

a very present help in trouble.'

~Psalm 46:1

 

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed,

for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

~Isaiah 41:10

 

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace,

that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

~Hebrews 4:16

Father, I am drawing near to the throne of grace, that I may receive mercy and find grace to help now. Lord, help me! If you don't Lord, who will?

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